So another year is almost over. While I’m not a big fan of end-of-the-year-posts (like everybody else) and believe you shouldn’t dwell on the past but look ahead I will do it anyway – like everybody else.
The past year has been eventful, at times more so than I anticipated and at the moment I pretty much feel like I’m stuck in a place I don’t get out of if I don’t consciously and actively deal with what happened so I can move on.
Because man is simple. We need rituals. This is mine.
The only problem is, writing a (pointless, let’s face it) review of the past year involves thinking.
Yeah, I know.
I have learnt a lot in 2011. I’d be lying if I said I’m thankful for each and every experience I’ve made, for every mistake I made (and I’ve made a lot). Some of them I really didn’t need and my mistakes? Well, most of them are simply too recent and I haven’t probed and poked them enough to gain valuable information. Yes, I do tend to over-analyse. I try not to but I often fail.
One thing I’m learning is to accept myself the way I am. But at least I am honest with myself. I am me. You are you. Either we accept each other the way we are or we each go our separate ways. I can’t and don’t want to change for anybody in the world, neither in the virtual realm nor in the real physical world.
What you see is what you get? Hmm.
I don’t leave my workshop without my pointy ears but am I your typical fae? I guess I’m not. I prefer Tolstoy over Tolkien. I love War and Peace, I could read it again and again but I didn’t make it through the Lord of the Rings. While the story itself is extremely intriguing the way it’s written bored me to death. But I totally enjoyed The Hobbit!
If you can accept a fae rocking out to Kyuss and brooding over Sartre, then what you see is what you get. Simple, yes?
I guess what I’m saying is this: I don’t want to apologise for who I am. Nobody should ever have to apologise for who they are.
And now I have to comment on a quote I read on Mera’s blog (http://eternalmetaverse.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/broken-people-in-second-life/ ) :
”Also – and few people want to admit this publicly – Second Life attracts ‘broken’ people. I don’t mean this as an insult in any way, as I am absolutely one of the broken ones. Second Life gives many of us very crucial things which are lacking in our own lives. For some, it’s the ability to socialize in ways that are difficult or impossible in real life.” (Marx Dudek)
For me, that totally hits the nail on the head.
Yes, I am “broken”. If broken means that I’ve been struggling with depression and “issues” since I was 16.
One of my bigger problems in the physical world is social anxiety. I have been diagnosed with it and I try to overcome it but sadly, it’s not as easy as it may sound.
Virtual worlds give me the chance to be who I really am – never mind the pointy ears, you know what I mean. Granted, I am not too social, I will never be the life of a virtual party when I’m not around friends or people I’ve known for a while. I’m awkward. I say inappropriate things.
I am a textbook example for the foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Luckily, I have found wonderful friends in virtual worlds, people who make it easier for me to simply be who I am. In virtual worlds I can do all the things that I can’t do in RL. I can attend parties without getting drunk. I can meet new people without the help of some substance or other that drown the anxiety for a while.
I have met the most amazing, most brilliant and creative people that I would never have known otherwise. I have also met other “broken” people. We all have our cross to bear. But it may become lighter if you can share it with someone.
For me, sharing isn’t always easy. That’s why I haven’t blogged for a while. I have been morose and depressed and sometimes bitter. But I reckon you’re clever enough to hit the “unfollow” button when I’m getting on your nerves.
Anyway, thank you to all my friends in the virtual realm. While 2011 has in some aspects been full of crap I am very thankful for my real friends.